Dancing Around The Fire
Muhammad Zaenuddin, katadata.co.id – Jakarta

Open relationship or polyamory is a type of relationship that involves a few parties, with knowledge and consent from all parties. Different from polygamy or polyandry that signifies gender inequality, polyamory is inclusive and fluid. Three couples who are in open relationships in this story show that the most personal relationships are sometimes colored with social taboos and secrets.

Irwan Martua Hidayana, researcher and Anthropology lecturer at Universitas Indonesia, explained: “The society in Indonesia has perceived sexuality and gender as binary – men and women, masculine and feminine – without considering other forms of gender and sexuality. The society also sees heterosexuality as a “normal” sexual orientation, if not a mandatory. Meanwhile homosexuality, bisexuality, or polyamory is seen as unacceptable.”

Garry Izack (30), a Papuan student who grew up in the Netherlands, said: “This is a form of intimacy that supports personal growth and communications. Not only biologically but also psychologically, because the relationships that I have with my partners do not always revolve around sex.” He added that polyamorous relationships can contribute to the effort of practicing gender equality. 

This type of relationship started to gain popularity and was openly talked about in mass media when Nena and George O’Neill co-wrote the book Open Marriage in 1972. Quoting theconversation.com, a study in the US shows that two to four percent of adults admit that they are in open relationships.

Unlike societies in North America who are getting used to open relationships, people in Indonesia have just started to talk about it for about five years. Eklesya (25), Media Specialist, stated, “As a young woman, I think we are free to choose our own ways, including relationship styles. So far, my partners and I are happy although we are often judged by people closest to me, who still think this kind of relationship merely concerns sex.”

Kups (36), Digital Artist, has a different perspective. She is the third person in an open relationship with a married couple. After two years of being together, she finds it hard that she only functions as a rebound. “At first we agreed to keep this relationship a secret, because we were two women in a romantic relationship amid a society that condemns it. Our condition gets harder because one of us is married. Being in this relationship in Indonesia that is still very heteronormative is like dancing around the fire.”

Through this photo story, I try to highlight various stories and challenges faced by those who are often seen as devious in their romantic relationships. The subjects come from different demographics in terms of age, religion, profession, gender, and sexuality. They share their stories to fight the pressure to stay silent, constrained by the system that makes it hard for them to be socially accepted in Indonesia.