I was still in primary school when my parents decided to divorce. They kept saying: “It’s not your fault, it’s on us.” They said it was a hard decision to make, yet a necessary one. At the time, I did not understand and kept asking myself: “Did I do anything wrong to divorce them?” With a still simple mindset, I chose to not believe them. I drew my own conclusion that their divorce was on me. I was upset with myself and the world.

As I grew up, I braved myself to ask them again: why. I was again given the same reason of “it’s our fault.” I fell back into the same dark hole. Again thinking that the divorce happened because of me. Often I imagined if I could go back in time, would I be a better child to avoid this divorce? I kept drowning myself in those thoughts.

When I was browsing the internet, I accidentally found a theory called Five Stages of Grief by Kübler-Ross. The theory breaks down that every person who goes through tragic events like divorce or someone’s death would go over five phases of emotions: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. At first I was angry that I refused to believe the reality that had been laid bare before me. It caused me to experience endless sorrow. But now I can see things from a different perspective, that my parents’ decision was right. Even though it’s a hard pill to swallow, I can finally accept things as they are.