In quietness, the noises return. Getting louder and louder.
I can see or hear nothing else. In the dark of the night, everything feels suffocating.
“Who’s robbing us of life and light?
Does our ruin benefit the earth?
Does it help the grass to grow or the sun to shine?
Is this darkness in you, too?
Have you passed through this night?”
(Explosions in the Sky – Have You Passed Through This Night?)
I prefer to keep quiet. Solitude has always been a friend since I was little. So have the noises that often come with solitude. In quietness, I can reflect on things inside me and around the family. Sometimes I feel lonely, but oftentimes I intendedly find solitude. The quieter it gets, the noisier it is in my head.
Then the pandemic hit. The noises turn from friends to foes. Buzzing nonstop. Worries, fears, doubts, and regrets crowd in the unending noises. I almost fell victim to them because I almost had no control over them.
I need to start making peace with those noises. Maybe they are not supposed to be avoided, not something to get rid of. I should turn them back to friends, not foes. Turning worries and fears into hopes, dreams, and ambitions. It will give me a sign that I am still growing.